How to Stay Grounded Part 4: Lean Into Community
A jaw-dropping 69 percent of Americans report feeling more isolated, lonely and disconnected than ever, according to a recent survey conducted by the American Psychological Association. This is disturbing news, and it’s also likely contributing to any generalized anxiety we may be having about the state of the world. Plus, there’s a decent chance that isolation is making any feelings of instability we’ve been having worse.
Lucky for us all, however, loneliness is a solvable problem (even for the most introverted among us). We might need to get creative and step outside of our comfort zones, but if we dare, we can indeed find meaningful ways to connect with others and feel more grounded in the process.
This is Part 4 of our five-part, ongoing series on how to get and stay grounded in a topsy-turvy world. And in it, we’re covering how to put down our phones, stop the endless scroll, and spend quality time with other real-life, in-the-flesh humans, to keep loneliness at bay.
Tap into the power of community to find your footing and stop spinning out!
We’re talking meetups IRL, face-to-face convos, and good old-fashioned analog connectivity helps us boost our spirits, gives us strength, builds necessary frameworks for social cohesion, and can absolutely get us through whatever crazy-train comes our way next.
There’s never been a better – or frankly, necessary – time than right now to reach out to neighbors, long-lost cousins, random acquaintances, your hair dresser or the school crossing guard, to start working on building deeper in-person connections.
Because it’s crucially important to experience togetherness.
Because loneliness is as bad for our health as smoking.
Because it increases our risk of heart disease and stroke.
Because prolonged isolation reduces our lifespan and ages us faster.
Because disconnecting from social interaction can, long-term, cause depression and even make us more susceptible to dementia (Source: Cleveland Clinic, September 30, 2024).
To heck with all that!
Even if you’re the lonest of lone wolves out there, and you typically prefer to prowl around in solitude (which I totally get, because I often feel that way too), there are ways to feel included, tapped in, and connected that don’t require too much effort or awkwardness.
As I approach my 50th birthday, the topic of social cohesion is weighing heavily on my mind. I’m having annoying, intermittent, mid-life crisis-y thoughts every so often, about what might have been, had I done things differently… All I know for sure is that I don’t want to wind up looking back upon my life one day when I’m old and all-the-way-grey with regret, wishing I had made more of an effort to participate in community connectedness when I had the chance.
Which happens to be one of “The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying” that get consistently reported by folks who are facing death.
According to the book’s author, Bronnie Ware, who worked as a palliative care nurse for many years before she became a bestselling author, one of the most common regrets reported by people at the end of their life is that they didn’t do enough to stay in touch with friends, take part in social activities, or reach out regularly to loved ones.
Zoinks.
By contrast, however, studies by Blue Zone researcher, journalist and National Geographic Fellow Dan Buettner and his team prove that social connectivity, as we age, extends our lifespan, boosts cognition, provides us with a network of emotional support that we can rely on when life gets difficult, and generally gives us a greater sense of fulfillment in life.
So if you feel as though you’re going unhinged, what with all the chaos in the world, phone an old friend, or reach out to someone who you’d like to make your friend, or just go where the people are and see what happens when you intentionally engage.
Here are some simple ideas (from a card-carrying lone wolf who’s making a concerted effort, finally, in mid-life, to get out of her shell!) for where to go and how to establish meaning connection and become a part of your community for greater strength and stability:
Claim a spot in your local community garden, or start one in a vacant lot nearby. Hang out and pull weeds while other gardeners are there. Offer to help them. Plant native wildflowers in your patch of soil that you will plan to cut at the end of the season and turn into darling bouquets to surprise neighbors or local service-workers with. They’ll be delighted!
Join a resistance choir, or start one in your city. Singing, especially amongst other people, is proven to reduce stress by regulating cortisol and releasing “feel-good hormones” like dopamine and serotonin. Plus, it’ll land you a network of new mates.
Start a podcast club in your community – because, let’s face it, a lot of us are just not reading long-form books the way we used to, and half the time, it seems like a lot of the book club members don’t finish the book anyway! What gives?! But a podcast episode is something we can all manage to engage with. We can listen to an episode and be ready to talk all about it, for free and very quickly. Seek out a pal or two who’s willing to swap favorite podcast episodes or shows with you, then get together every other week for an hour over drinks to discuss. (Might I suggest making an Una Palmer as your signature beverage?! Get the recipe, which includes our famous Berry Bush Tea, here.)
Be the person who goes to the farmer’s market every week, religiously. Talk with the vendors. Ask about the produce they’re selling. Purchase a veggie you’ve never eaten before, or one you’re kind of afraid of. Like kohlrabi or celeriac. They’re so weird. Ask the farmer how to prepare it – (not to stereotype, but I find that farmers are wildly good chefs, because they know food better than anyone!). Then? Follow up! Go back the next week and let them know how their advice worked out, how you liked the food. Rinse and repeat! Boom: new friend.
Volunteer. People are in need, as more and more social service agencies’ funding gets cut. Sign up with the local food bank to pack boxes for seniors alongside an army of other do-gooders. Get trained on becoming part of your local Rapid Response team to protect vulnerable community members. And if you’re still hesitant to spend time with humans, enroll as a dog-walker or cat-comforter at the local animal shelter. There, you’ll meet likeminded animal lovers, build some great friendships with fur-babies, boost your body’s oxytocin levels, and reduce stress all at the same time.
Become a regular at your local library. Maybe we’re just lucky because we live in a city that has a long and strong history of free, public libraries. But I’ve visited libraries in almost every city I’ve visited, if, for no other reason, than to use their free wifi. But alongside all the shelves packed with books, music, movies, puzzles, appliances and even tools, it’s incredible to discover just how much community programming exists inside those buildings. Freestyle dance hours, chess, knitting, lectures, movie nights, teen hangouts, game nights, mahjong (which is the new pickle ball, in case you didn’t know), live musical performances…there’s something to do in these precious spaces, alongside hot-blooded humans, all the dang time.
Finally, you can always come on down to Lawrenceville and visit the team at the Una store! We don’t just sell the best handmade, organic skincare products – we’re also a community of conscientious women, with a founder who has cultivated a safe, very special space that’s welcome to all. (Plus, most of us love to chitchat!) So stop on by for a visit and see what’s happenin’!
What do you do to make friends and stay connected? I’d love to hear!
Stay tuned for the next and final update in this series on how to stay grounded, where we’ll discuss your body’s unique, magical, secret superpower for helping you find stability and security in an instant!
